Going to therapy is an important step when you’re having mental health concerns, but some men hesitate to take that step. Learn why and how to help.
Key Takeaways
- Men are less likely than women to get therapy. In 2024, 10.9% of U.S. men had received therapy in the past year, compared with 16.9% of women.
- Stigma is part of it, but so is the picture many men have of therapy: open-ended talk about feelings with no clear plan. Plenty of therapy doesn’t work that way.
- Research with men in therapy points to what keeps them engaged: a clear structure, practical skills and specific goals.
- A first try that doesn’t click is common. It usually means the fit was wrong, not that therapy can’t help.
Men hesitate to seek therapy for real reasons. Some are about stigma and the pressure to handle things alone. Many are practical: cost, time, privacy at work or a first try that went nowhere. And a lot of the hesitation comes from a picture of therapy that doesn’t match what’s actually on offer: an image of endless talk about feelings with no plan and no clear finish line.
This guide walks through the most common reasons men hold back, what’s true about each one and a smaller first step you can take instead. If you want help figuring out where to start, call the Mental Health Hotline at 866-903-3787.
Table of Contents
The Numbers Behind the Hesitation
The gap is easy to see. In 2024, 10.9% of U.S. men had received therapy from a mental health provider in the past year, compared with 16.9% of women, according to the National Health Interview Survey. Among men who had a mental health condition that year, fewer than half (42.1%) received any treatment at all.
Therapy figures from the 2024 National Health Interview Survey (NCHS Data Brief No. 564). Dropout figure from Seidler et al. (2021), a survey of nearly 2,000 Australian men.
Getting in the door is only part of it. In a survey of nearly 2,000 Australian men who’d been in therapy, 44.8% said they’d dropped out early at some point. The most common reason, given by more than half of those who left, was not feeling a connection with the therapist. A smaller share felt the therapy wasn’t making progress.
Those findings point to something hopeful: Many men who try therapy and leave aren’t rejecting help. They’re rejecting a poor fit.
It's Often the Picture of Therapy, Not the Idea of Help
Stigma is real. Many men grew up hearing that asking for help means weakness, and that pressure doesn’t disappear in adulthood. But stigma doesn’t explain everything. Plenty of men will see a doctor, hire a trainer or call a lawyer without a second thought. What they balk at is a specific image of therapy: lying on a couch, being asked how something made them feel, week after week, with no sense of where it’s going.
Research with men in therapy suggests that image misses what works for many of them. In interviews with men treated for depression, researchers found men preferred therapy with a clear structure, practical skills and specific goals, and that most of them hadn’t received that style of treatment. A broader review of the research reached a similar conclusion, pointing to collaborative, transparent, action-oriented approaches as the most engaging for men.
That doesn’t mean every man wants the same thing. Some men are comfortable talking about emotions and hesitate for purely practical reasons. Others want a plan before they’ll talk about anything. The point is that you get to choose the kind of therapy that fits, and you can ask for it.
Common Hesitations and a Smaller First Step
If you’ve been putting off therapy, one of these probably sounds familiar. Each row pairs a common reason with what’s actually true and a smaller step you can take this week.
| The hesitation | What’s actually true | A smaller first step |
|---|---|---|
| “Talking won’t fix anything.” | Many types of therapy are built around skills and goals, not open-ended talk. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, targets specific problems and often includes practice between sessions. | Look for a therapist who offers CBT or solution-focused therapy and ask what you’d work on in the first month. |
| “I wouldn’t know what to say.” | You don’t need a speech. A good first session is mostly the therapist asking questions. “Work has me wound tight and I’m short with my kids” is a complete opening. | Write down one or two things you want to be different. That’s your agenda. |
| “I should be able to handle this myself.” | Bringing in help for a hard problem is how most people handle everything from taxes to a knee injury. Therapy can be short-term and aimed at one goal. | Set a trial: four to six sessions on one problem, then decide whether to keep going. |
| “It could get back to my job.” | Therapists are bound by privacy laws, with narrow exceptions such as safety. Employee assistance programs generally report only overall usage to employers, not names. | Read up on how confidentiality works and ask about it on the first call. |
| “I can’t afford it, and I don’t have time.” | Many employers offer a few free sessions through an employee assistance program (EAP). Video sessions remove the commute, and some therapists offer early or evening times. | Check your benefits for an EAP, or try a teletherapy session from your car or office. More ways around cost are worth a look too. |
| “I tried it once and it didn’t help.” | Fit matters more than most people realize. In a large survey of men, the most common reason for leaving therapy was not feeling a connection with the therapist. | Treat it as a mismatch, not a verdict. Here’s how to try again after a bad experience. |
| “A therapist won’t get someone like me.” | Therapists vary a lot in style and background. You can ask for a man, someone who works often with men or someone who knows your line of work. | Interview a few options before you commit, the same way you’d vet anyone you hire. |
| “It’s not that bad yet.” | Therapy tends to work well early, before a problem spreads into sleep, work and relationships. Waiting usually makes the climb longer. | Start small: one consultation, a men’s group or a phone call to find out what’s available near you. |
If you’re still not sure which of these steps fits, that’s a reasonable place to be. A phone call can help you sort through what’s available, what your insurance or EAP might cover and what kind of support matches what you’re dealing with. The Mental Health Hotline at 866-903-3787 can help you figure out where to look.
How to Find Therapy That Fits
A few options tend to suit men who want structure and practical results. Cognitive behavioral therapy focuses on the link between thoughts, feelings and actions, and it usually involves specific goals and skills to practice. Solution-focused therapy is brief by design and centers on what you want to change. Group therapy, including men’s groups, can feel less intense than one-on-one sessions and offers the reassurance of hearing from other men in similar spots. Video sessions make it easier to fit therapy around work.
Your employee assistance program is worth checking first if you have one. EAPs often cover a handful of free, confidential sessions and can help you find a longer-term therapist if you need one.
Questions for the First Call
Most therapists offer a short phone or video consultation before the first session. These questions help you tell quickly whether their style fits what you want.
- “How do you usually structure sessions?”
- “What would we work on in the first three or four sessions?”
- “How will we know whether it’s working?”
- “Do you give practical things to try between sessions?”
- “How much of your work is with men or with people dealing with what I’m dealing with?”
Clear, specific answers are a good sign. If the answers are vague or you finish the call feeling talked down to, keep looking. You can also interview a therapist in more depth before committing.
If You Want a Man in Your Life to Consider Therapy
Partners, parents and friends often see the need before he does. Pushing hard usually backfires. What tends to work better is naming a specific change you’ve noticed, framing therapy as a practical tool for a specific problem and offering to help with the logistics, like checking his EAP or finding a therapist who works with men. Then give him room to decide. For more on what to say, see how to encourage a family member to seek therapy.
When Not to Wait
Therapy is a good fit for problems that have been building over time. It isn’t the right first step in an emergency. If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide or in emotional distress, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I Have to Talk About My Childhood in Therapy?
No. Some approaches explore the past, but many focus on what is happening now and what you want to change. You can tell a therapist up front that you want to work on present-day problems and a good one will respect that.
Can I Ask for a Male Therapist?
Yes. Many therapist directories let you filter by gender, and practices can usually match you if you ask. Some men find it easier to open up to another man. Others prefer a woman. Either is a reasonable preference.
Will My Employer Find Out If I Go to Therapy?
Generally, no. Therapists can’t share what you discuss without your permission except in narrow situations, such as a serious safety risk. If you use insurance or an EAP, your employer typically doesn’t see individual details. If you’re unsure, ask the therapist to explain their privacy practices before you start.
What If the First Therapist Isn't a Good Fit?
Switch. It’s common, and therapists expect it. You can tell them it isn’t working, ask what they’d change or find someone else. A poor fit with one person says little about whether therapy can help you.
Where Can Men Find Mental Health Support Beyond Therapy?
Men’s groups, peer support programs, a primary care doctor and national phone and text lines can all be useful starting points. Our men’s mental health hotline page lists options built for men.
Take the First Step on Your Terms
You don’t have to commit to months of therapy to start. You only have to find out what’s available and what might fit. The Mental Health Hotline can help you sort through options and figure out where to look, whether that’s a therapist, an EAP, a group or something else. Call 866-903-3787. It’s free and available 24/7, and you can share as much or as little as you want.
Sources
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics. Mental Health Treatment Among Adults: United States, 2024. NCHS Data Brief No. 564.
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. Mental Health Treatment among People Who Had a Mental Health Condition in the Past Year: 2024 National Survey on Drug Use and Health.
- Seidler ZE, Wilson MJ, Kealy D, Oliffe JL, Ogrodniczuk JS, Rice SM. Men’s dropout from mental health services: results from a survey of Australian men across the life span. American Journal of Men’s Health. 2021.
- Seidler ZE, Rice SM, Ogrodniczuk JS, Oliffe JL, Dhillon HM. Engaging men in psychological treatment: a scoping review. American Journal of Men’s Health. 2018;12(6):1882-1900.
- Seidler ZE, Rice SM, Oliffe JL, Fogarty AS, Dhillon HM. Men in and out of treatment for depression: strategies for improved engagement. Australian Psychologist. 2018;53(5):405-415.
