In the United States, community samples show that 0.5% to 5% of the population has narcissistic personality disorder, but the rates can range from 1% to 15% in clinical settings. Whether you’re dealing with a diagnosed narcissist or you suspect someone has narcissistic tendencies, figuring out how to deal with a narcissist is important for your mental well-being.
Recognizing Narcissistic Behavior
Narcissism is a word most people recognize but few can clearly define. It’s not always easy to spot a narcissist — there’s a spectrum of behavior that falls under the category. People who are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder fall on the extreme end of the spectrum, but others can still show various degrees of narcissism.
A narcissist has an overinflated sense of their own self-importance. They want admiration and attention from others, often at the expense of everyone else’s feelings and needs. But it’s frequently only those who are closest to them who see the signs. Outwardly, they often come across as charming and charismatic.
Some behaviors that can help you spot narcissism include:
- Entitlement. Narcissists often feel like they’re more important than others and entitled to privileges or special treatment.
- Bragging. They often talk about their achievements or expect accolades, even if the achievement isn’t all that noteworthy.
- Lack of empathy. A narcissist either can’t empathize with others or refuses to consider others’ feelings or needs.
- Manipulation. New relationships with a narcissist often start with love bombing or putting the other person’s needs first to build a false sense of security. That often turns into controlling behavior so the narcissist’s needs always come first.
- Criticism. You might hear a narcissist criticize others frequently while not being able to handle criticism about themselves.
Impact of Narcissism on Relationships
At the core of narcissistic behavior is the belief that they’re more important than others — that their needs trump everyone else’s needs. That belief makes any type of relationship challenging, from romantic relationships to work colleagues. It can leave the other person feeling unloved, belittled and hurt with emotional trauma.
One of the biggest barriers to healthy relationships is that the narcissist doesn’t see their behavior as wrong. Even if you tell them how they’re behaving, they’ll often turn it around on you. A person with narcissistic traits can’t get help if they don’t feel they have a problem, which makes it more challenging to figure out how to deal with a narcissist.
How to Deal With a Narcissist: Coping Strategies
It’s not easy learning how to deal with a narcissist, especially if you’re experiencing emotional abuse from them. Learning as much as you can about the disorder is a good starting point. It can help you understand why they do certain things.
Here are some other coping strategies for handling a narcissist:
- Control your emotions. They often try to gaslight you into having an emotional reaction. No matter how you’re feeling inside, staying calm and not giving them a reaction can tame the situation.
- Focus on yourself. Identifying things that might have drawn you to a narcissistic person, such as a negative self-image or growing up with a narcissistic parent, can help you break free.
- Find support. Living with a narcissist can make it difficult to get help. To the outside world, the person is charming and high-achieving, so they might have trouble believing what you experience. Opening up to a loved one, friend or counselor can give you the support you need for surviving a narcissist.
- Expect action. If you want to keep your relationship with the person, insist on them taking action, not just making promises to change. Being direct with what you need sets the expectations and lets them make the next move.
Setting Boundaries and Self-Care
When deciding how to deal with a narcissist, setting boundaries and taking care of yourself can help. No matter how you approach the situation, you can’t convince a narcissist to change their behaviors long-term. Instead, you need to decide what you’re willing to accept and set boundaries around everything else. Be prepared for the narcissist to try every strategy in the book to cross those boundaries.
Practicing self-care can also help. This might include going to therapy and putting your needs first. Learning to love and care for yourself can make it easier to stick to the boundaries you set.
Surviving a Narcissist Is Possible
Learning how to deal with a narcissist can help free you from the trauma caused by the relationship. Surviving a narcissist is easier with help from a mental health professional. Mental Health Hotline pairs you with reputable professionals nationwide who understand what you’re going through. Reach out today.