Have you ever felt the whole world was working against you but couldn’t pinpoint exactly whom to blame? Well, perhaps it’s not the world; it’s you. Almost everyone self-sabotages to some degree, even if it’s something as small as procrastinating on an important task. But when you self-sabotage on a larger scale with important matters, it can have real, negative consequences for your life.
Keep reading to learn all about self-sabotage so you can recognize when you’re doing it.
What Is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage is when an individual takes actions (or inactions) that limit their personal growth, goals or achievements. This behavior can be conscious or unconscious. Self-sabotaging can range from behaviors that have minor consequences (procrastinating on household chores) to major consequences (purposefully causing relationship issues).
Common Signs of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage can show up in many areas of your life, such as:
- In the workplace. Self-sabotage can make you under- or overperform at work. You might procrastinate on tasks and fail to meet deadlines, putting your job at risk. Or you might have a fear of failure or deal with perfectionism, which leads to taking on too much and becoming burned out.
- In relationships. People often self-sabotage in relationships because they believe they don’t deserve love or happiness. If things are going well in your relationship, you might cheat, cause fights or project insecurities onto your partner.
- Physical health. You can self-sabotage your health by not properly caring for yourself. This can look like overeating, not taking required medications, substance abuse and improper hygiene.
- Mental health. You can self-sabotage your mental health through negative self-talk, isolation and setting yourself up for failure.
Some of the most typical warning signs of self-sabotaging behavioral patterns include:
- Extreme self-criticism
- Never asking for help
- Starting fights with friends, partners, family members or coworkers
- Setting unrealistic goals for yourself that are impossible to achieve
- Setting goals that are too easy, so you never push yourself to succeed or improve
- Isolating
- Always blaming others
- Self-medicating and substance abuse
- Walking away from problems and conflict
- Not sticking up for yourself
- Poor time management
- Comparison
- Always saying yes to everyone to the point of burning out
- Perfectionism
- Having unrealistic expectations for yourself or others
Root Causes: Why We Sabotage Ourselves
The root cause of self-sabotaging depends on the type of sabotage the person is doing. Some of the most common causes for these behaviors are:
- Fear of success. Someone who fears success will sabotage themselves and ensure they never flourish. There are many reasons someone may fear achievements. They may believe they can’t handle the pressure or don’t deserve success.
- Fear of failure. A fear of failure often leads to someone self-sabotaging themselves into burnout. They tend to be an overperformer in all aspects of their life. They are a perfectionist and say yes to everything. Ironically, once they burn out, they’re at a higher risk of failing.
- Low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem may believe they don’t deserve happiness. They’ll often talk negatively about themselves and unconsciously or consciously stop themselves from achieving goals. Additionally, these people may hurt themselves by taking substances, not taking proper medications or not caring for themselves.
- Childhood trauma. If someone experienced extreme criticism and neglect in childhood, they may continue these behaviors into adulthood and inflict them upon themselves because that’s all they know.
- Poor emotional regulation. Someone who can’t control or process their emotions well can self-sabotage with outbursts that impact their relationships or career. They also may have trouble handling pressure or stress, which makes achieving goals harder.
Ultimately, a lot of the root causes of self-sabotaging behavior come down to fear and self-esteem issues. Someone who deeply believes they’re not worthy of happiness and success will struggle with self-sabotage. Most importantly, they probably won’t even recognize they’re doing it.
Steps to Break the Cycle of Self-Sabotage
If you suspect you might be sabotaging yourself, know that you can put a stop to this harmful behavior. You can break the cycle with these steps.
1. Recognize the Patterns
You can’t change what you don’t know. Learn about self-sabotage and acknowledge when you engage in it. It’s important to be honest with yourself.
2. Know Your Triggers
You don’t just wake up some days and decide to sabotage yourself. There are triggers that, consciously or unconsciously, set off this behavior. Try to learn what your triggers are.
For example, if you’re always procrastinating and missing deadlines at work, ask yourself why that is. Are you scared that if you give it your best shot, you’ll still fail? Or are you scared that giving it your all will push you to a new level you can’t handle?
Once you know what these triggers are, you can catch yourself when they happen and choose a different response.
3. Monitor Your Self-Talk
Negative self-talk might be the root of all your self-sabotage issues. Make it a habit to notice when you’re engaging in negative thoughts, especially geared towards yourself. Stronger self-confidence will give you the self-esteem and ability to achieve your goals.
4. Set Achievable, Realistic Goals
A common trend in self-sabotaging is setting goals that are impossible to achieve. Continue to set goals for yourself, but get into the habit of assessing if they’re reasonable. Consider using the S.M.A.R.T. goal method. Make your goals:
- Specific
- Measurable
- Achievable
- Relevant
- Time-bound
5. Embrace Failure
No one achieves everything they set out to do. And part of growing as an individual is trying, failing, learning and trying again. You need to learn to embrace failure so you’re not completely crushed when you don’t achieve what you set out to do.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
At its core, sabotaging yourself isn’t very kind. You’re not allowing yourself to reach your full potential. Learning to have some self-compassion will help you grow and undo some of the sabotaging behaviors you’ve learned. It’ll also have the added benefit of helping improve your self-talk.
7. Work With a Therapist
Lastly, seeking professional help can be a powerful step to changing your behaviors. A therapist can help you truly understand why you self-sabotage, identify your triggers and learn to cope.
According to 2022 data from Mental Health America, approximately 56% of American adults with a mental health condition receive no treatment. Even if you don’t believe you have a mental health condition, talking to a counselor is beneficial. Therapy is a helpful resource that can help you manage your symptoms and improve your day-to-day life.
Connect With Mental Health Hotline
Finding a therapist has never been easier with Mental Health Hotline. We offer free, confidential 24-7 assistance and partner with reputable mental health care providers nationwide to get you the help you need. Contact us today to get your questions answered.
