Love and the way we experience it can be an integral part of our daily life, but love doesn’t always look the same. Love languages explore how we express and receive love healthily.
Since Gary Chapman, a relationship counselor, first introduced the concept in his 1992 book The Five Love Languages, more people have started to explore what methods of expression best fit their needs. Chapman noticed that every person he dealt with used one of these five methods to express love: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service or physical touch.
Figuring out which expressions of love boost your emotional well-being is essential to positive mental health and relationship building. Whether you feel better after a long bath or a few hours spent on a favorite hobby, it’s important to know what you need to help balance your mental state.
Exploring the Five Love Languages
Let’s take a look at the five love languages and what they look like in day-to-day interactions.
- Words of affirmation. Compliments, praise and verbal expressions of appreciation all fall under this category. Sincere acknowledgments given regularly can deepen and improve a relationship.
- Quality time. If quality time is your love language, you feel best when your loved ones give you their undivided attention and spend time with you. This means putting your phone away and turning the TV off to really focus on the moment.
- Physical touch. Something as simple as holding hands can be a deep expression of love with the right person. Arm pats or trading massages are all ways someone who uses physical touch as their primary love language might express their feelings.
- Acts of service. Think of the little things someone else does for you on a day-to-day basis. These acts of service are also expressions of affection. When you fill up someone’s gas tank or finish the dishes before they get home, what you’re doing shows you care by freeing up their time for other things.
- Receiving gifts. When this is your primary love language, it really is the thought that counts. When receiving a gift puts you in an instantly good mood, your partner can often give you a boost with something as simple as a single bloom of your favorite flower or a favorite treat for the end of the day. It’s not about the size of the gift; it’s about the care and thoughtfulness of the present.
Recognizing Your Love Languages and Mental Health Challenges: Self-Awareness and Growth
Improving relationships with self-awareness often starts by understanding your own needs and how fulfilling them can improve your well-being. When you receive love in ways that best fit your needs, it results in an enhanced emotional connection with your partner. You feel seen and understood, which deepens your relationship.
You’ll also find misunderstandings often result in conflict. If you can reduce or eliminate them, you communicate more effectively. The best way to improve your communication is by better understanding what affection looks like to you. If you need to hear a compliment to feel validated, it’s important to communicate that to a partner so they can meet you where you feel comfortable. Over time, this validation and awareness leads to a less stressful life. A strong emotional foundation gives you the resilience to better manage challenging situations.
Using Love Languages to Foster Positive Relationships
Professor of Psychology Gerald Matthews was recently interviewed by Time about a study he coauthored on the ways love languages can help affirm relationships. He notes, “People don’t always understand their partners as well as they think they do. You can’t just assume that your partner wants what you want.”
In the study, 100 heterosexual couples who’d been together for 6 months to 24 years completed questionnaires. They rated how often and to what extent they used certain behaviors to express love for their partner. The results clearly indicated that when their partner used their preferred love language, they felt more fulfilled in their relationship, both emotionally and sexually.
Practical Steps to Apply Love Languages for Mental Wellness
So, what do these love languages look like in a healthy relationship? Here are some examples of ways to speak in each language that lift your partner up.
Words of affirmation might mean a sincere compliment like, “You look amazing in that dress!” or “The lawn looks great! You did an amazing job on the edges.”
When quality time is the love language, you might plan a weekend away or an evening at a nice restaurant. Receiving gifts doesn’t always mean something expensive. It could be something simple, like a pint of your favorite ice cream or a particular brand of coffee you like. Putting away the dishes or running a load of laundry can be acts of service, while physical touch can be as simple as a quick hug or a cuddle date on the couch.
Just keep in mind that most people have more than one love language that resonates with them.
If you’re struggling to identify your love language and feel unfulfilled in your relationships, get in touch with Mental Health Hotline. We partner with mental health providers who can help you identify your love languages and the languages used by those around you.
