With dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, it can often feel like there are endless options for partners right at your fingertips. As a result, people are quick to break off relationships.
Psychiatrist and author Dr. Carole Lieberman says, “Nowadays, people are often too quick to give up on relationships because, in the back of their mind, they’re thinking, ‘Oh well, I’ll just keep swiping right or left. There’s gotta be someone who can make me happier.'”
But that’s not how relationships work. A bump in the road shouldn’t cause you to abandon your partner immediately. After all, even soulmates go through relationship challenges. Instead of quitting when things get tough, consider couples counseling.
What Is Couples Therapy?
What does couples therapy do, exactly? Couples counseling is a form of therapy that’s aimed at helping couples work through their problems in a nonjudgmental space. Additionally, couples therapy allows partners to learn new skills to work through future conflicts together.
Note that there are a few critical parameters that make couples counseling a little different than regular individual therapy:
- Couples counseling is meant to be short-term. A couple should work through current problems in the sessions and learn how to address future issues on their own.
- A couple shouldn’t begin couples therapy with a counselor that either person has an existing relationship with. For example, if a woman has been seeing her therapist for a year, she can’t suggest that she and her partner begin couples counseling with the same therapist. A couples counselor should be new to both partners so they can avoid having a bias.
A couple may seek couples counseling because:
- They need help working through an existing problem.
- They want to learn how to be better partners for each other.
- The couple is expecting significant changes (such as the birth of a child) and want help preparing.
- One partner is struggling with issues (addiction, health problems, etc.) that are impacting the relationship.
Whatever the reason for trying couples therapy, the goal is always the same: The couple is reaching out for external professional help because they don’t want to give up on their relationship.
Different Approaches to Couples Therapy
There are several approaches to couples therapy:
- The Gottman method. This type of therapy teaches the couple to avoid the “four deadly horsemen” of relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. The focus is to help the couple increase intimacy and develop friendship.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is the most popular form of therapy and helps people identify challenges and learn new habits for thoughts and behaviors.
- Emotion-focused therapy (EFT). This therapy helps partners develop a stronger bond by focusing on understanding each other’s emotions and motivations.
- Narrative therapy. With narrative therapy, couples are encouraged to be thoughtful and careful in crafting a new, healthy narrative for the relationship.
- Psychodynamic therapy. In psychodynamic therapy, each person learns about their partner’s deepest hopes and dreams to better understand them and their motivations and to deepen a connection with them.
Does Couples Counseling Work?
The simple answer is yes, couples counseling can — and does — work. One study found that couples therapy had a positive impact on 70% of couples in treatment.
Even when it doesn’t “work,” in a way, it does. This is because you know you gave the relationship every ounce of effort. So, if you went to a professional for help, gave it your all and it still didn’t work out, you know the relationship couldn’t succeed. But at least you know you tried.
What to Expect Your First Session
You can see your first couples counseling session as an introduction between the couple and the therapist. Don’t expect to dive into all your real problems on the first appointment. Your therapist will want to take time to understand:
- Who you are
- The dynamics of your relationship
- Your relationship history
- Any problems you’ve faced in the past
- What brought you to couples counseling
- What you hope the outcomes of couples counseling will be
Is Couples Counseling for Me?
If you’re having difficulties in your relationship, try couples therapy. Make sure you find a therapist you and your partner both feel comfortable with. No partner should feel the counselor is on the other person’s side.
Therapy can be a chance for both of you to work through your problems and learn skills so you’re equipped to handle future issues. An investment in couples therapy is an investment in your relationship. Give your relationship the fighting chance it deserves. Mental Health Hotline gives you quick access to dozens of reputable couples counselors in your area. Call today to get started.