Have you ever wondered why addiction is sometimes called “the family disease”? It’s because an addiction doesn’t just affect the person abusing substances. It can alter the entire family dynamic, impacting how others engage with that person or navigate their own lives. Family roles in addiction can take many forms, and they often don’t happen intentionally. Let’s delve into how addiction impacts family dynamics and why healthy support is crucial in recovery.
Enabling Behaviors in Families
Family can profoundly impact how you think and behave. People commonly mimic habits of other household members, which is why addiction often gets passed down to younger generations. And 1 in 8 children grow up in households with at least one addicted family member.
It can be difficult to witness a family member struggling with addiction and even harder to determine how best to help them. You may try protecting them by taking responsibility for their actions or offering emotional and financial support, even at the expense of your own well-being. Unfortunately, this codependent behavior usually does more harm than good.
Codependency and addiction occur when a person spends most of their time responding to the extreme physical and emotional needs of an addicted loved one. This person can be a spouse, sibling, parent or child. They may deny a loved one’s addiction to maintain family peace, but this typically enables the addict’s bad behavior to continue without consequences. This leniency can cause an addict to say or do things to make their family feel guilty or blame themselves for the addiction.
The Impact of Addiction on Family Dynamics
Dealing with an addicted family member can be stressful, confusing and frustrating. If you’re having trouble controlling your thoughts, emotions or behaviors, don’t be hard on yourself. It isn’t your fault, and this reaction is completely normal.
An addict’s unpredictable, destructive behavior can dictate the entire family’s mood and actions. Life becomes more about learning how to survive and maintain the family secret than exploring your full potential as an independent person. Each family member may adopt certain traits to keep the peace and protect the family from imploding. Common family roles in addiction include:
- The Enabler. Also known as the caretaker, the enabler denies there’s a problem and enables an addict’s behavior through favors such as giving them money, bailing them out of jail or defending their poor actions toward other family members.
- The Hero. Often the oldest child in the family, the hero appears to have it all together. They’re perfectionists and overachievers who excel at school, work or outside responsibilities to lift their family’s esteem, but they struggle internally and put a lot of pressure on themselves.
- The Scapegoat. Scapegoats are blamed for family problems and act out by getting bad grades or into other trouble to distract from an addict’s behavior. Blaming the scapegoat becomes a coping mechanism to avoid confronting family addiction problems.
- The Mascot. Using humor as a coping mechanism, the mascot reduces family stress using jokes and sarcasm. They may not know how else to help their family and use humor to mask their own pain or discomfort.
- The Lost Child. Usually the youngest family member, the lost child doesn’t seek attention and is largely invisible. They’re quiet and spend most of their time engaging in solitary activities, including reading or watching TV, to distance themselves from family conflict.
Exploring Family Roles in Addiction Recovery
If your family has fallen into these roles, it isn’t too late to seek help. If anything, they may desperately want to aid their addicted loved one but not know what healthy support looks like.
It’s possible to be involved in your loved one’s treatment without enabling, avoiding or downplaying their addiction. Family support in addiction recovery can include:
- Organizing a family intervention
- Helping your loved one find and access treatment
- Encouraging them to stick with treatment
- Offering to escort them to treatment or attend occasional therapy sessions with them
- Researching local support groups and resources
Your loved one may become angry and frustrated or flat-out refuse help. This can be disheartening, but you can’t control their behavior. However, you can protect yourself and your family by seeking professional support.
A family member’s addiction doesn’t have to define your life. At Mental Health Hotline, we work with a network of mental health and addiction providers to connect you with resources aligning with your family’s needs. Don’t hesitate to reach out — there’s always someone available to take your call.