There’s a good chance you know someone with commitment issues — or you yourself might have a fear of relationships. Studies show that nearly 19 million Americans have some type of uncontrollable fear, referred to as a phobia or anxiety disorder. Left untreated, the fear of commitment can negatively impact your personal and work life. Fortunately, the right treatment plan can help you better understand why you have commitment issues and how to overcome them. This article digs deeper into the commitment issues meaning, signs and treatment options.
Commitment Issues Meaning
Commitment issues stem from a phobia or fear of long-term commitments. They’re most commonly associated with romantic relationships, but this fear can also impact relationships with friends and coworkers and make it difficult to focus on one career or complete work projects. It may even be hard to make long-term plans, set and complete goals or make decisions about your future.
Common Causes and Psychological Factors
Why do you have commitment issues? There are a number of factors involved, but it may stem back to your childhood and how you attached to parents and other caregivers. When it comes to relationships, three types of attachment styles could result in commitment issues in adulthood.
Anxious Attachment
Children growing up with disengaged or neglectful parents and caregivers can develop an anxious attachment style. It’s common for these children to build a strong attachment to one or both parents but often feel let down or betrayed. As an adult, the strong desire for intimacy continues, but so does the fear of abandonment. People with anxious attachment typically require constant reassurance in a relationship, which can lead to depression or anger if they feel let down.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment
A child can form dismissive or avoidant attachments when adults in their lives, including their parents and guardians, are neglectful or inconsistent with the level of care provided. The child learns self-reliance at a young age and believes that people in general can’t be counted on for love and support. This belief carries into adulthood, causing the person to push people away and avoid intimate relationships.
Disorganized Attachment
Disorganized or fearful-avoidant attachment is a combination of anxious and dismissive attachment styles. While people with this type of attachment style may seem calm or even dismissive in a relationship, they often have a high level of anxiety and stress resulting from fear of abandonment. Children growing up in emotionally void households may develop a disorganized attachment style. They may have been shamed for showing any emotions, such as crying. As adults, they may be fearful and confused about how and when to ask for help or display affection.
Other factors also play a role in why people have commitment issues, including:
- Fear of abandonment often stemming from a traumatic event, such as abuse, divorce or infidelity
- Strong desire for independence resulting in a fear of losing one’s freedom
- Low self-esteem, which makes it difficult for a person to make fundamental life decisions, especially pertaining to relationships
- Dysfunctional family relationships causing a distorted view of traditional relationships
- Perfectionism resulting in unrealistic expectations in a relationship
Signs of Commitment Struggles in Relationships
If you believe you or someone you’re dating has commitment issues, there are a few signs to look for, including:
- Avoids making long-term plans or talking about the future together
- Self-sabotages the relationship, such as pushing your partner away and instigating fights
- Requires constant reassurance — for example, you may send multiple text messages a day and become upset or angry if you don’t get an immediate response
- Consciously or subconsciously fails to respond to repeated calls or messages
- Has a fear of using the terms boyfriend or girlfriend or taking the relationship to the next level, such as an engagement
- Has trouble opening up about thoughts and feelings
- Feels uncomfortable and backs away when the relationship starts to get serious
- Avoids serious relationships or abruptly ends them when they become too serious
- Overanalyzes the relationship and decisions — you may frequently change your mind or push your partner away
- Feels emotionally detached from a partner or has trouble trusting them for emotional support and love
It’s important to note that having one or two of these signs doesn’t necessarily indicate commitment issues. Multiple signs and the inability to maintain long-term relationships might. It’s recommended to seek out support from a trained mental health professional who can properly diagnose any issues.
Overcoming Fear of Commitment
The good news is that help is available. You don’t have to struggle with relationship phobia forever. A good place to start is individual therapy. An experienced mental health professional can help you better understand the commitment issues meaning and determine if you may have relationship phobia.
Through talk therapy, a licensed counselor may help you identify the causes of your fear. For example, is it linked to a traumatic event in your past or an attachment style formed in childhood? This determination can help you and your therapist develop a treatment strategy to overcome your commitment issues. Over time, your therapist may also recommend couples therapy to help with communication and understanding.
If you believe you’re in a relationship with someone who has commitment issues, it can be difficult, if not impossible, to help without professional support. You can encourage them to seek professional help and set healthy boundaries to protect your emotional health. Even if your partner doesn’t seek professional support, you should. An experienced therapist can help you evaluate your relationship, set healthy boundaries and understand how these commitment issues impact you.
Reach Out for Help Today
Don’t let the fear of commitment prevent you from maintaining healthy relationships. Help is available. Contact the Mental Health Hotline for guidance on taking the next step.
