Jealousy — not to be confused with envy — rears its head when we think something we value is going to be taken away. Envy is wanting what someone else has, but jealousy is usually related to intangibles. You don’t feel jealous about a vacation someone is going on, but you might feel jealous that your best friend didn’t invite you. Sometimes, jealousy and therapy can work together to make it a motivator for changing behavior, but more often, it’s a net negative for your emotional health, leading to stress, resentment and conflict. Therapy provides an opportunity to explore where your jealousy is coming from and how to use it as a tool for personal growth.
Understanding Jealousy: What It Reveals About You
Jealousy is often perceived as a negative emotion, but emotions aren’t really positive or negative. They’re simply signals of needs. Experiencing jealousy often means you have unaddressed feelings of inadequacy or fears surrounding abandonment. Ultimately, jealousy rooted in insecurities means you have some work to do to strengthen your self-esteem.
While addressing jealousy in therapy, you may realize that your fears surrounding loss come from experience. Unresolved trauma like childhood neglect or previous betrayals can add up to increased jealousy in the present. You’re perceiving a threat because there was one in the past.
An insecure attachment style can also lead to jealousy in personal relationships. This pattern of behavior learned in early childhood tends to persist. So, if you are highly emotional and constantly seek reassurance from your loved ones, it could mean you have an anxious attachment style that’s often linked to increased feelings of jealousy.
Ultimately, jealousy is just a way to recognize fears and trauma and can help you learn more about yourself. On your journey to emotional health, expect to feel a full range of emotions. Jealousy is just part of the ups and downs of life.
Exploring the Triggers of Jealousy in Therapy
Jealousy doesn’t appear out of nowhere — it has identifiable triggers. But your triggers might not be the same as someone else’s. The most common trigger for jealousy, and why it’s often confused with envy, is comparisons with others. With social media becoming increasingly popular — 72% of adults in the United States use it in some form — it’s easy to make negative comparisons to perfect homes showcased on Instagram or families in flawless harmony for a photo shoot. However, it’s important to remember that we don’t see all of another’s relationship. Don’t create unrealistic standards for your relationship based on a snapshot of someone else’s.
Romantic jealousy is often caused by a history of past betrayals and low self-esteem, but a trigger could be something as simple as a stranger flirting with your significant other. Even if they don’t welcome the interaction, it can still spark romantic jealousy. Trust issues may be at the root of romantic jealousy, but these issues can also impact other types of relationships.
If you’re feeling neglected in your relationship, jealousy is often a sign. In relationship counseling or when dealing with jealousy in therapy, the first step toward managing this emotion constructively is learning your triggers.
How Therapy Can Help Reframe Jealousy
There are lots of options for dealing with jealousy in therapy. Strategies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) help you recognize and change the thought patterns that fuel jealousy. Over time, patients reduce emotional reactivity, making jealousy a more manageable part of their emotional landscape. Here are some other therapeutic options.
Attachment-Based Therapy
Because attachment styles heavily influence jealousy, therapy focused on secure attachment can help individuals build trust and communicate their needs more effectively in relationships. This is often used during relationship counseling to build stronger, more resilient relationships.
Inner Child Work
For those whose jealousy stems from childhood wounds, therapy that addresses inner child healing can be transformative. Recognizing and validating early experiences of neglect or rejection can reduce current insecurities.
Communication Skills Training
Jealousy often causes misunderstandings and conflicts. Therapy can teach individuals how to express their feelings constructively rather than resorting to accusations or withdrawal.
Strategies to Develop Healthier Emotional Responses
Reframing jealousy is just the start of improving your emotional health. When you understand where your jealousy comes from and what triggers it, you can start working on developing healthier responses when it comes up. Self-compassion is a good starting point for transforming negative feelings surrounding jealousy into more positive motivation. Instead of beating yourself up over feeling jealous, it’s important to learn to accept the feelings without judgment. By realizing that jealousy is something everyone sometimes experiences, it can help you separate your self-worth from feelings of jealousy.
Comparing your life with others is sometimes unavoidable, but those comparisons don’t have to be negative. Instead, they can be inspirational. Work at seeing another person’s success as a motivation to reach your own goals rather than as a threat. All this helps build self-worth, which is a big part of changing your emotional responses.
Personal development is another key to minimizing negative reactions to jealousy. Intense jealousy often comes with a need for external validation, but internal validation is what creates more lasting feelings of value.
Other strategies might include developing better emotional regulation skills. Exercises like deep breathing, journaling and meditation may help. Setting healthy boundaries also plays a significant role in emotional regulation. In relationships, establishing clear boundaries ensures both partners feel secure and valued.
When to Seek Professional Help for Jealousy
If feelings of jealousy start to overwhelm you and interfere with your daily life, it’s time to get help from a mental health professional. With the right support, you’ll also get personalized recommendations to better manage your emotions.
Contact Mental Health Hotline today for assistance managing your jealousy through therapy. We’ll connect you with empathetic, nonjudgmental mental health care professionals who can help.
