Are you struggling with managing your mental illness? Are your friendships or relationships taking a toll on your mental well-being? Setting behavioral and emotional boundaries in mental health is critical for prioritizing your growth and healing.
If you’re unsure where to start setting boundaries with mental illness or with friends, a therapist specializing in self-reflection and relationships can help you get started. Like any habit, setting boundaries can be learned. If you need someone to talk to or have questions, you can reach out 24 hours a day to one of Mental Health Hotline’s mental health counseling hotlines, a confidential and safe space to discuss your needs and struggles.
What Are Boundaries in Relationships?
A boundary in a relationship is a defined limit or rule that you establish to protect your well-being and security when interacting with others. A relationship boundary could be setting expectations about having space in a romantic relationship or how you won’t tolerate someone speaking negatively to you or about someone you care about.
When you create boundaries, you establish how your needs can be met in a healthy way.
The Benefits of Setting Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries in your interaction with others has many benefits, like:
- Helping develop better self-esteem
- Allowing you space to focus on your mental well-being
- Developing independence and healing from codependent relationships
- Helping you be clear on who you are and what you value
- Enhancing your sense of self-worth
Six Actionable Tips for Setting Boundaries
You think you need boundaries in a relationship or when interacting with friends or family. But how can you get started? A therapist can help, and so can these tips:
- Give yourself permission to set boundaries. You have the right to prioritize your safety, comfort and mental health.
- Be more self-aware. What makes you feel safe? What situations make you uncomfortable? You can’t set a boundary until you define what you’re placing a boundary around and against.
- Define your limits. Focus on your emotions and what you need mentally and emotionally. Then, write down your needs. You could draw a circle and write your needs down inside, then, outside the circle, write down actions or behaviors others exhibit that prevent you from getting these needs met.
- Be consistent. Once you’ve set a boundary, be consistent with others and clearly communicate when they’ve crossed it.
- Use “I” statements. Setting a boundary is focusing on yourself, so use “I” statements instead of “you-focused” statements. For example, “I feel self-conscious when you comment about my body size because I struggle with my weight. What I need is for my size and physical activity to not be a topic of conversation.”
- Be clear, direct and simple. State your need calmly, and remember that you don’t need to justify your boundary to another person. Everyone has different needs and emotional triggers. Yours have value, and you don’t need to apologize for protecting your mental health.
- Start small. You might start with one person and one boundary, and then slowly, as you gain confidence and see improvement in your relationship, start setting additional boundaries with others.
Overcoming Challenges and Obstacles in Setting Relationship Boundaries
Many people struggle with setting boundaries in relationships. If you’re unsure how to do so or worried you’ll upset people around you by clearly communicating a boundary, you’re not alone. Some of the most common barriers to setting a relationship boundary include:
- Shame or guilt
- Fear of abandonment or rejection
- Not knowing how to state the boundary
- Fear of upsetting someone, or fear of a confrontation
Many myths we believe about relationships contribute to these barriers. But, with the help of a mental health professional, you can start overcoming these barriers.
- Challenge relationship myths. Remind yourself that you deserve to have your emotional and psychological needs met. Many people struggle here because they’re used to prioritizing the needs of others rather than their own needs.
- Don’t catastrophize. Before setting a boundary, you may think of all the possible (usually out of proportion) consequences of this difficult conversation. This is based on fear — a fear that the person won’t like you or love you if you speak up for your needs or fear that they’ll think you’re being critical of them. This is common, but ask yourself this: What’s the worst possible thing that could happen if I set this boundary? Can I handle this worst-case scenario? What’s the most likely outcome of setting a boundary?
How Can a Therapist Help Me Set Boundaries?
If you have trouble understanding how to set boundaries in relationships or are unsure how to speak up for yourself when setting boundaries, a professional therapist can help. Mental Health Hotline partners with trusted mental health helplines to connect people in crisis or struggling with their mental well-being to professional counselors. When you call, you can ask questions about setting boundaries in a confidential, safe space.