Divorce rates have been slowly declining in the last few decades. In 2020 and 2021, divorce rates reached a 40-year low, with only 14 divorces per 1,000 married women. In the United States, divorce rates have been steadily declining since 2008 (with a minor uptick in 2022). However, these rates are still high enough that any couple considering marriage should know divorce is a possibility. Premarital counseling can be one of the best ways to increase the odds of a couple having a healthy, long-lasting marriage that can withstand conflict.
What Is Premarital Counseling?
Premarital counseling, also known as pre-marriage counseling, is a type of counseling that can help couples prepare for the next step in their relationship: marriage. A couple may choose to go through premarital counseling before officially getting married to address existing problems or learn coping skills so they can resolve future issues.
Benefits of Premarital Counseling
A 2019 study reviewed more than 430 recently married couples. It found that those who’d taken premarital counseling were more likely to participate in therapy later on when their relationship was having problems.
Some of the reasons a couple may choose to try premarital counseling are to:
- Work through existing problems within the relationship
- Learn problem-solving skills so they can cope with future issues that arise
- Learn communication skills for addressing conflict
- Align on goals for the future of the relationship
- Get an idea of what each partner expects in marriage
- Learn how to navigate any mental health conditions that either partner may have, such as anxiety, depression or PTSD
- Learn critical relationship skills, such as listening, supporting and empathizing with one another
What You Can Expect From Premarital Counseling
The idea of just walking into a premarital counseling session with your partner can feel intimidating. However, understanding what these sessions will cover and what your goals are can give you both a sense of comfort that this decision is right for you.
Here’s what you can expect from premarital counseling sessions.
1. Relationship Assessment
Overall, the counselor, therapist or advisor guiding you through your sessions will want to start with a relationship assessment. This allows them to identify your strengths as a couple and where there are opportunities to grow. For example, a couple may be relatively good at supporting each other and resolving conflict but actively avoid dealing with one partner’s depression.
Try not to be intimidated by the idea that your relationship is being assessed. No couple is perfect, and every relationship has areas that can be improved. You initiated these sessions because you knew you needed help, and that’s exactly what a thorough relationship assessment can provide.
2. Communication Skills
According to many psychotherapists, the number one challenge in relationships is ineffective communication. In most relationships, the couple loves each other and wants what’s best for one another. However, problems typically arise when they can’t communicate well about their needs, wants and frustrations.
Premarital counseling will teach you effective dialogue methods so you can better understand and relate to one another. You may learn (and practice in the sessions) communication tips such as:
- Using “I” statements mostly when communicating
- Choosing the right time and place for sensitive or difficult topics
- Learning to actively listen
- Learning how to watch for body language
- Taking a moment to process feelings before jumping into communication and conflict resolution
- Learning to compromise
- Setting clear boundaries with each other
3. Expectations
Another significant portion of pre-marriage counseling is clarifying each partner’s expectations. This is an opportunity to discuss shared values and goals for the relationship. Before entering a marriage, the couple should have a clear understanding of what each other wants:
- For the marriage and each person’s role in it
- For the future — what that looks like in terms of children, work, location, etc.
- What happiness looks like
- Areas where compromises on lifestyle can be made and areas where they can’t
4. Resilience Building
The last goal of premarital counseling is resilience building. All relationships go through ups and downs. Pre-marriage counseling can equip couples for challenges that will inevitably come. Couples will learn skills to adequately deal with conflict in a way that won’t damage or threaten the relationship.
Is it Right For You?
Premarital counseling can give you a solid foundation to help increase your likelihood of a long and happy marriage. If you’re ready to invest in the health of your relationship, it may be the right step for you!
