A whole conversation can happen without anyone saying a word. A quick glance, a change in expression, a gesture or two and both parties know exactly what comes next. What we say is only one layer of communicating, but nonverbal cues add depth and significance to our back and forth. In fact, research suggests that less than 10% of our communication is strictly word-based.
Sometimes what we say doesn’t match what we telegraph with our tone and body language. That’s a recipe for confusion and miscommunication. “I’m fine,” said in an angry or abrupt tone doesn’t exactly agree with what’s being said. Knowing that the person who says they’re fine probably isn’t can help you better navigate that relationship.
Learning to read body language goes a long way toward helping you better express yourself and understand the people around you. From a simple smile to a subtle shift in posture, these cues can speak volumes. Let’s dive into what nonverbal communication is, its key types, how it impacts relationships and how you can improve your skills for better understanding.
What Is Nonverbal Communication?
Nonverbal communication is anything that communicates meaning without using words. Gestures, facial expressions, body language, tone and even how far away you stand can all carry messages. In most cases, these nonverbal cues reinforce what we’re saying, but they can also contradict our words or add additional layers of meaning.
If a friend says they’re excited about an event but they don’t make eye contact or they sound kind of flat while talking about it, their nonverbal cues are carrying a message that’s very different from their words. If you know someone well, you might be better able to understand their cues, but in general, we tend to interpret all cues through the single lens of personal experience.
Key Types of Nonverbal Cues
Bright smiles, standoffish body language and hand movements can all be just as much a part of the conversation as your spoken words. When signing, body language does a lot of the heavy lifting for conveying tone, while facial expressions do the rest. However, there are lots of nonverbal ways to communicate.
Facial Expressions
Smiles, frowns, squinted eyes and dozens of other changes to your face can tell a whole story about how you feel. Smiles and frowns are instinctive and often transcend cultural norms, so you can expect a bright smile to convey the same message anywhere in the world.
Body Language & Posture
Sitting, standing and moving are examples of body language. Our still mannerisms that we adopt while waiting can say a lot about what we’re thinking. We might lean forward to show interest or lean back when feeling defensive.
Gestures
Waving to indicate a hello from across the room or pointing to something in answer to a question are just a few gestures many people use every day. But not all gestures mean the same things in all cultures.
For example, in Greece, Bulgaria and Brazil, the “OK” sign is considered a vulgar symbol and an insult. If you’re not sure how a gesture is likely to be interpreted, it’s best to minimize its use.
Eye Contact
Meeting someone’s eyes is a great way to show sincerity, attentiveness and interest, while failing to make eye contact could indicate that you’re nervous, lack confidence or are feeling uncomfortable.
Tone of Voice
Tone, pitch, speed and volume all contribute to nonverbal communication. The same words said differently can totally change the meaning. Emphasizing different words in a sentence can also change the meaning.
Personal Space (Proxemics)
How close you stand while talking to someone can show your level of familiarity with that person. You likely stand closer to friends and family while giving a stranger or authority figure more space. While exact distances tend to be cultural — personal space preferences differ widely based on country, from around 2 feet to more than 4 feet — it’s important to pay attention to proxemics if you want other people to feel comfortable interacting with you.
Touch
A loving pat or a warm hug can be a gentle interaction, while shrugging off a hand or a brusque handshake might be dismissive.
How Body Language and Nonverbal Communication Impact Relationships
Making sure your unspoken and spoken cues are both saying the same thing can go a long way toward improving communication with others. Maintaining eye contact, nodding and making sure your body language stays open and receptive help build rapport. Confident posture, appropriate eye contact and active listening signals contribute to positive workplace interactions.
Learning to better interpret nonverbal cues can help you empathize with others and create a deeper understanding in both personal and professional relationships. Don’t send mixed signals if you want to end up with a stronger and more meaningful relationship.
Improving Nonverbal Skills for Better Understanding
Communication skills are exactly that: skills. Skills can be learned, practiced and perfected. That means you can learn to better leverage and understand unspoken communication.
Start by practicing active listening. Stay fully attentive, use facial expressions and gestures to indicate understanding and listen to understand instead of to respond. Ask friends and family what you’re doing well and what bad habits you might need to address.
It’s also important to adapt your body language and other nonverbal cues to match other people. If someone seems uncomfortable when you get too close, back up a little bit and see if that improves the conversation. Keep your posture open, let your hand gestures happen naturally and make sure your tone matches your word choices.
Reach Out for Help With Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Skills
If you struggle to understand social cues and body language, you might need help from a mental health professional. At Mental Health Hotline, we can help you find the right therapist to improve your communication skills and foster better understanding.
