In 1944, the movie Gaslight hit theater screens, showing a disturbing and abusive relationship in which a husband tries to make his wife think she’s going crazy by altering her environment and then denying the change happened. He tricks her into thinking she’s losing or forgetting things and gradually ups the stakes. Adapted from the earlier play, Angel Street, the movie is believed to be the origin of the term gaslighting. Today, gaslighting is used to describe a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your perceptions, memories or sense of reality.
Gaslighting is a technique abusers use to control another person. The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports that 74% of female victims of domestic violence also struggle with gaslighting from their current or former partner. Understanding gaslighting is the first step toward recognizing and addressing it effectively.
Recognizing Gaslighting Behavior
Gaslighting is often subtle, making it difficult to identify. However, certain behaviors and patterns can indicate that someone is manipulating you in this way. Often, the first step is denial. “That never happened” might be something you hear again and again from someone who’s gaslighting you.
“You’re overreacting” or “You’re too sensitive” are phrases that might also make an appearance. They’re used to make you question whether your feelings are valid.
Victimhood is something gaslighters wear frequently and loudly. In virtually any situation, a gaslighter can cast themselves as the victim. “I only did or said that because you made me” is a common deflection. Over time, you may start to rely on your abuser to tell you what’s real.
When that dependency is well established, you might fall into daily traps where your abuser gives you contradictory directions and then blames you for misunderstanding.
These are just some of the signs of emotional abuse that accompanies gaslighting.
Psychological Effects of Being Gaslit
Gaslighting can have profound and long-lasting effects on your mental and emotional well-being. The damage it causes often extends beyond the immediate relationship, impacting your overall sense of self and ability to trust others.
1. Erosion of Self-Confidence
Over time, the constant invalidation and manipulation can lead to self-doubt. You may begin to question your ability to make decisions, remember events accurately or judge situations objectively.
2. Anxiety and Stress
The uncertainty and confusion created by gaslighting often result in chronic anxiety and heightened stress levels. Victims may feel like they’re constantly walking on eggshells to avoid triggering the gaslighter.
3. Depression
Feelings of helplessness and worthlessness are common among victims of gaslighting. The manipulation can make you feel isolated, trapped and incapable of escaping the situation.
4. Difficulty Trusting Others
After experiencing gaslighting, victims often struggle to trust others. This mistrust can extend to new relationships, making it hard to form meaningful connections.
5. Cognitive Dissonance
Gaslighting creates a disconnect between what you know to be true and what you’re being told. This cognitive dissonance can cause confusion, frustration and a sense of disorientation.
Recognizing these effects is critical to taking the necessary steps to heal and regain control of your mental health.
How to Respond and Protect Yourself
Dealing with a gaslighter requires a combination of awareness, assertiveness and support. If you suspect you might be the victim of gaslighting, you’ll need to start learning how to handle manipulation and other tactics of emotional abuse.
Start by trusting your perceptions. If someone is trying to make you doubt your experiences, rely on your instincts. Compile records and document what happens every day. Journaling is a great way to help with clarity even when you’re not a victim of gaslighting.
Set clear boundaries for your relationships. This is critical to emotional health in any setting and particularly so when someone consistently invalidates you. At the same time, don’t engage in power struggles. Circular conversations and arguments don’t move your relationship forward. Instead, communicate clearly and assertively.
If you aren’t sure if you’re being gaslit, seek help from a third party. A therapist or counselor can give you a neutral look at what’s happening and help you regain your confidence.
Seeking Support and Rebuilding Confidence
Healing from gaslighting requires time, effort and the right support. Whether you’ve recently recognized emotional abuse signs in your relationship or been living with its effects for years, take steps to rebuild your confidence.
As with any issue, the first step is acknowledging it happened. When you know someone has altered your perception of reality, you’re better equipped to separate truth and falsehood. Rely on friends and family to help rebuild your trust in your perceptions. You need people you can trust after such a deep betrayal.
It’s also important to get professional help from specialists in trauma and abusive relationships. Therapy is a long process, but with the right help, you can recover from the effects of gaslighting.
As you start to seek out ways to heal, here are some things to try.
- Challenge negative beliefs. If you have self-doubt and low self-esteem, work on replacing these negative perceptions with positive affirmations.
- Reclaim your autonomy. After prolonged periods of dependency, it’s important to reclaim your ability to make your own decisions.
- Practice forgiveness and self-compassion. You may never forgive your abuser, but it’s important to forgive yourself. Be kind to yourself as you heal.
Gaslighting is a destructive form of manipulation that can deeply affect your mental and emotional well-being. By understanding what gaslighting looks like, recognizing its signs and addressing its psychological effects, you can take the necessary steps to protect yourself and heal.
Get Help Today
If you’re worried about recognizing gaslighting behavior, it’s important to seek out help and support. At Mental Health Hotline, we can connect you with trauma specialists who are experts at recognizing the signs of emotional abuse and can help you take the first steps toward healing.
